Monday, August 23, 2010
My Melody
When the horns blows blow I feel captured by the rapture. The melody takes me to a far away place. I feel no pain, hurt or anger in this land. I know it's not a feeling I won't be able to enjoy for long so when I'm taken there I try to embrace every moment of it. This place takes me back to my childhood, back to when I was too stupid or naive to know the horrors the real world had planned for me. I see all of my friends that time has taken away or separated me from. I see the swing set and the slide that I would wake up early on weekend mornings, begging to go play on then. I see the images of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons. The Smurfs, the Snorks, Fragile Rock. I see my mothers fried chicken. Nothing but plates and plates of chicken legs, with as much ketcup as I want for them. I see Kelli, the first crush I ever had. She's siting on the fence looking so Innocent and pretty. I see a mirror and see something I don't see to often anymore, me smiling. I try to hold onto this moment fir as long as I can but the horns are fading now. My magic song is over. My happy place is now just another soon to be faded memory. Oh well, I guess I'll just hit repeat and see if those horns will take me back again.
Friday, August 20, 2010
If I....
If I......
If I told u I was dying, what would u say? If I told u there was no cure for me, how would u react? If I told u I only had months, maybe only weeks left, whould u still stand by me?
If I told u I was leaving, would u try to bring me back? If I broke ur heart, would u allow time to heal the wound or would just u grip and rip at it to keep the scares fresh? If I told you my mind and heart wasn't really in to u, would u try to kill me while I sleep?
If I need a shoulder to cry on would u lend it? If I needed to voice how I feel, would ur ears listen? If I fell down, would u extend a hand and help me to my feet? If I had no place to go, would u take me in? If I walked alone, would join join me?
What if we stopped with all the what if's and just did it. I don't even have to think twice on how I would answer any of these what if's. Cause I know I would be there for u in a heartbeat. What if everything could be that simple.
If I told u I was dying, what would u say? If I told u there was no cure for me, how would u react? If I told u I only had months, maybe only weeks left, whould u still stand by me?
If I told u I was leaving, would u try to bring me back? If I broke ur heart, would u allow time to heal the wound or would just u grip and rip at it to keep the scares fresh? If I told you my mind and heart wasn't really in to u, would u try to kill me while I sleep?
If I need a shoulder to cry on would u lend it? If I needed to voice how I feel, would ur ears listen? If I fell down, would u extend a hand and help me to my feet? If I had no place to go, would u take me in? If I walked alone, would join join me?
What if we stopped with all the what if's and just did it. I don't even have to think twice on how I would answer any of these what if's. Cause I know I would be there for u in a heartbeat. What if everything could be that simple.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
What These Hands Will Do!!!!
You see these hands?? These hands don't break stones, They mold clay. I make the images that make the world beautiful. I'm an artist. The art I make may not be liked by many but it shall be loved by all. When its all said and done, my mark will be left on this earth. I will be logged in the the history books as a master of words. Misunderstood, but that will be the magic of my words. Each reader will take something different away from everything I write. With not one of them truly gripping what I was truly saying. I love that. I throw so many curve balls when I write because my words are just a reflection of the energy that my body begs to release. My writing is equal to throwing bucket and buckets of paint on a wall and then waiting for it to dry and seeing what comes of it. I guess you can say I write abstract. I know I think abstract, so these words would only be done justice if i wrote them as such. But these hands will mold the future, they will set the new standard. They will be the hands that lead the movement. Oh, and this movement will be written. But not by me, but by you. We are the leaders of this writing revolution. We need to go hard and let the world feel our impact.
True Love - Our Poem
This is a love poem, but it not a regular love poem. This is our love poem. Yours and mine. His and hers. Her and her man's. This poem is about love, but the worst kind of love. It's the love that you have no say in. It's the love that you cant have. No matter how much you want it. It's about the person you know loves you back but just not as much as you love them. Everybody has that love. You know that love that no matter what your doing once they show back up in your life, everything else becomes for not. This is about that love that freezes time. The love you say and try to convince yourself your over. but you and I know that you'll never be over that love. What's keeping you apart? You'll ask yourself that a million times. But the answer is never correct because you will always try to convince yourself thats not the case. We all have that love. Take a second right now and think about that person. You see that smile light up across your face. You love that feeling right. It always feels good. Now wait for it.............. here comes the hurt again. Here comes the question's again. the two go together like how you feel you and your love should. Yeah, this is a love poem alright. It's a poem about how something as beautiful as love could be so disgustingly painful that it makes you not want to love. But then what would be the fun in loving if there wasn't any pain, right? Kind of make's you hate love, right? But don't. Because love isn't meant for us to have. It's meant for us to share. Love is just what love is. It's bigger than you and me. it's bigger than Him and her. it's bigger than her and her man's. This is a love poem, but it's not a regular love poem. This is our love poem.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
A Love Lost
A Love Lost
I see her, but it's only from a far. I see her and I can see a future with her, I can see me and her having a house on the hills, facing the water or an apt in the NYC, overlooking the bright lights of the city. I can see us showing our kids off at work events. Her and I walking into the best resturants around town, me with my head held high, her with a glow about her. She is more than a throphy wife, she is more than a hit it and quit it, not a jumpoff, not a one night stand. She's more than my equal. She's more than a part of me. She's is my everything. The sound of her voice stops me in my tracks. When I look in her eyes I see tomorrow and the next day. I see the rest of my life. I see all of my life. She is my life. She is all of my hopes and dreams come true. But..... but.....but.......
This is all a dream, this is not a future than can happen, not a future that will happen. As I sit here and stare at her, I sit motionless. I'm frozen in time. I want this to be a reality but time and space will not allow it. As each moment passes I can feel my heart shatter. And yet I still can't change a thing about this perfect future I had planned out for me and her.
Shes being taken away from me and. I'm helpless. I can't stop it. I see her drifting away. I want to pull her back but I defenseless. The power has her. I can't see her anymore, I can't see my future I had laid out. It's being taken away from me and it's killing me on the inside. I guess it just wasn't meet to be.
Epilogue: as I sit I'm my hosipital bed awaking from my coma, my mother tells me she is gone. Her life taken away from me as soon as our life together had began. Me wishing it was I that was driving so the car would have plowed through my door. It's a guilty wish, but knowing that the person I wanted to bring into the world and the person I wanted to help me raise them is gone makes life not worth living. I can't recall much from that night. Just holding her hand and taking a glimpse into her eyes and then feeling a huge bang. I faintly hear her voice, she's whispering "help me". And there's nothing I can do. I've failed the only loves I've ever felt in my life.
I going to miss my 2 angels and wish God is going to watch over them but for me, I'm going to have to live a life, a life with a lost love.
I see her, but it's only from a far. I see her and I can see a future with her, I can see me and her having a house on the hills, facing the water or an apt in the NYC, overlooking the bright lights of the city. I can see us showing our kids off at work events. Her and I walking into the best resturants around town, me with my head held high, her with a glow about her. She is more than a throphy wife, she is more than a hit it and quit it, not a jumpoff, not a one night stand. She's more than my equal. She's more than a part of me. She's is my everything. The sound of her voice stops me in my tracks. When I look in her eyes I see tomorrow and the next day. I see the rest of my life. I see all of my life. She is my life. She is all of my hopes and dreams come true. But..... but.....but.......
This is all a dream, this is not a future than can happen, not a future that will happen. As I sit here and stare at her, I sit motionless. I'm frozen in time. I want this to be a reality but time and space will not allow it. As each moment passes I can feel my heart shatter. And yet I still can't change a thing about this perfect future I had planned out for me and her.
Shes being taken away from me and. I'm helpless. I can't stop it. I see her drifting away. I want to pull her back but I defenseless. The power has her. I can't see her anymore, I can't see my future I had laid out. It's being taken away from me and it's killing me on the inside. I guess it just wasn't meet to be.
Epilogue: as I sit I'm my hosipital bed awaking from my coma, my mother tells me she is gone. Her life taken away from me as soon as our life together had began. Me wishing it was I that was driving so the car would have plowed through my door. It's a guilty wish, but knowing that the person I wanted to bring into the world and the person I wanted to help me raise them is gone makes life not worth living. I can't recall much from that night. Just holding her hand and taking a glimpse into her eyes and then feeling a huge bang. I faintly hear her voice, she's whispering "help me". And there's nothing I can do. I've failed the only loves I've ever felt in my life.
I going to miss my 2 angels and wish God is going to watch over them but for me, I'm going to have to live a life, a life with a lost love.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Drawing A Blank
Drawing a blank, I want to blame it on my pen but it's my mind that's
out of ink. I stare at the empty pages wondering what kind of magical
words I can fill them with, thinking of the deranged thoughts this mad
man can place in this pad so these actions can escape my mind and give
me moments of clarity. I know I need to let them out before the
monster inside escapes and carries them out. These are truly the dark
ages for my imperfect yet persilety planing evil mind. As I extract
these words to paper. In one hand I hold a pen and in the other I hold
my favorite toy pokey. My 6 inch blade that pierces skin on contact,
that has cut my skin dozens of times. Staring at them both trying to
figure out which shall be my instrument of art for the day. Will I
paint the paper blue with ink or will I paint the walls red with blood.
out of ink. I stare at the empty pages wondering what kind of magical
words I can fill them with, thinking of the deranged thoughts this mad
man can place in this pad so these actions can escape my mind and give
me moments of clarity. I know I need to let them out before the
monster inside escapes and carries them out. These are truly the dark
ages for my imperfect yet persilety planing evil mind. As I extract
these words to paper. In one hand I hold a pen and in the other I hold
my favorite toy pokey. My 6 inch blade that pierces skin on contact,
that has cut my skin dozens of times. Staring at them both trying to
figure out which shall be my instrument of art for the day. Will I
paint the paper blue with ink or will I paint the walls red with blood.
The Daily Word
Being that it's Sunday I figured I'd address religion as that for most
of you this being the most holy day. Butwhy? Because man says so?
Because man said that we should pick one day a raise it above the
other 6 and use it as a day to praise the lord? Why only one day? Why
Sunday? Because of a book writen by men who gathered and said God
spoke to them and that Jesus walked with them? All of a sudden this
became law? I question these stories in the bible, I question the
reason why we must go to church on Sundays. I question religion and
most of all, I question faith. How can a man of sin teach me how not
to sin? What makes this man or woman in a robe anymore holyer than me?
What have they done or gone through that makes them a vesel of god?
And when these self aleged vesels go a stray, what then gives us the
right to judge them when in life you call them Gods messengers? How do
you know that they are not just doing Gids bidding? What if the bible
is not gods words? What if this is a book written by the devil and in
Gods eyes we are cometting acts if sin when we belive we are carring
out his will? You don't know. I don't know. And when we do find out,
it might just be too late. I have no answer to these question I ask,
and I'm not sure I want them. But I know for a fact that no one out
there wants answers. If they didn't get the answers they wanted, it
would spin there lives into such a loop they would never be able to
recover from. So I guess we will contuine to live in out sheltered
worlds and not seek out the truth and fear the answers, but I will
always contuine to ask the questions.
of you this being the most holy day. Butwhy? Because man says so?
Because man said that we should pick one day a raise it above the
other 6 and use it as a day to praise the lord? Why only one day? Why
Sunday? Because of a book writen by men who gathered and said God
spoke to them and that Jesus walked with them? All of a sudden this
became law? I question these stories in the bible, I question the
reason why we must go to church on Sundays. I question religion and
most of all, I question faith. How can a man of sin teach me how not
to sin? What makes this man or woman in a robe anymore holyer than me?
What have they done or gone through that makes them a vesel of god?
And when these self aleged vesels go a stray, what then gives us the
right to judge them when in life you call them Gods messengers? How do
you know that they are not just doing Gids bidding? What if the bible
is not gods words? What if this is a book written by the devil and in
Gods eyes we are cometting acts if sin when we belive we are carring
out his will? You don't know. I don't know. And when we do find out,
it might just be too late. I have no answer to these question I ask,
and I'm not sure I want them. But I know for a fact that no one out
there wants answers. If they didn't get the answers they wanted, it
would spin there lives into such a loop they would never be able to
recover from. So I guess we will contuine to live in out sheltered
worlds and not seek out the truth and fear the answers, but I will
always contuine to ask the questions.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
the ghost
I'm just the ghost of of a man, a shell of a human being, a open plain of empty emotion and wide open valley of pain. I'm planting seeds to grow a new me, but the world keeps putting fertilizer on my dreams, but the more you shit on me, the more I grow. A tear in my eye and blood on my chin. I'm always alone, even when I'm with friends. Maybe God will forgive me for my sins, is this the begining or the end.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Dear Free Agents
Dear Free Agents:
Hey big 3, how's your summer going? Looks like the 3 of you have a lot on your plates. Take your time and do what's right for your family and all but let's not forget about your fans. For 4 years now everyone in the world have been waiting for this week and you guys are playing too many games. Let me start with you King James, the way you are treating your would be bosses is just disgusting. First off, to have them come to you instead of having the common courtesy to go to there offices and meet with them is so disrespectful. These guys are offering to give you more money than you have now, there offering to make your dreams of becoming a billionaire a reality. But u can't get on a plane and take a 2 hour flight to Chicago or New York and then from there drive to New Jersey. Do u really mean to tell me you are against a trip to Miami. Not to mention u not meeting with the Knicks in New York, pissed me off because you were in Avenue (NYC club) 3 days before free agency began. I hope u resign in Cleveland and never win a ring. Number 2, Sup Flash, I can see you wanting to make sure staying in Miami is the right thing for you, but let's not openly come out and say that the custody battle is the reason. Let's not use the family as an excuse for telling the fans of The Heat that your trying to bring free agent 1 and free agent 3 to join you in the Miami. Why not do like the King did and keep your mouth shut. But I do hope you land in Chicago, that would be better for you and your family. But I don't ever want to here you say a word about privacy. You put your family issues out there in the street, then there fair game. Free Agent number 3, CB4. I get it, the media is making a buck off of you, so you'll have some fun and try and get some coin out of it while your at it. I commend you on that. But there is a reason why teams are not going crazy and Toronto is not willing to give you that 6th year. You my friend are 2nd fiddle on no matter what team you go to. I hope you land on a good team and maybe even win a few rings, but in no way what so ever do I want to see the Raptors sign and trade to get you. You shit on them during this whole process and you think there going to help you. You young man need to learn about tack and business savey. In short, if you guys are done holding the Fans, the Media and the teams trying to pay you Hundreds of millions of dollars hostage, man up, make a choice, have long and fruitful careers.
Signed, A real fan of what's right and of the NBA. Chris Rock Glover
Hey big 3, how's your summer going? Looks like the 3 of you have a lot on your plates. Take your time and do what's right for your family and all but let's not forget about your fans. For 4 years now everyone in the world have been waiting for this week and you guys are playing too many games. Let me start with you King James, the way you are treating your would be bosses is just disgusting. First off, to have them come to you instead of having the common courtesy to go to there offices and meet with them is so disrespectful. These guys are offering to give you more money than you have now, there offering to make your dreams of becoming a billionaire a reality. But u can't get on a plane and take a 2 hour flight to Chicago or New York and then from there drive to New Jersey. Do u really mean to tell me you are against a trip to Miami. Not to mention u not meeting with the Knicks in New York, pissed me off because you were in Avenue (NYC club) 3 days before free agency began. I hope u resign in Cleveland and never win a ring. Number 2, Sup Flash, I can see you wanting to make sure staying in Miami is the right thing for you, but let's not openly come out and say that the custody battle is the reason. Let's not use the family as an excuse for telling the fans of The Heat that your trying to bring free agent 1 and free agent 3 to join you in the Miami. Why not do like the King did and keep your mouth shut. But I do hope you land in Chicago, that would be better for you and your family. But I don't ever want to here you say a word about privacy. You put your family issues out there in the street, then there fair game. Free Agent number 3, CB4. I get it, the media is making a buck off of you, so you'll have some fun and try and get some coin out of it while your at it. I commend you on that. But there is a reason why teams are not going crazy and Toronto is not willing to give you that 6th year. You my friend are 2nd fiddle on no matter what team you go to. I hope you land on a good team and maybe even win a few rings, but in no way what so ever do I want to see the Raptors sign and trade to get you. You shit on them during this whole process and you think there going to help you. You young man need to learn about tack and business savey. In short, if you guys are done holding the Fans, the Media and the teams trying to pay you Hundreds of millions of dollars hostage, man up, make a choice, have long and fruitful careers.
Signed, A real fan of what's right and of the NBA. Chris Rock Glover
Monday, May 17, 2010
missing pieces
I'm drunk in a room, think about days that have never come and nights that passed to soon. Playing back a moment lost because I was was waiting on nothing to happen. Replacing broken frame's from the pictures of my life, because the camera of time caught a reflection and the flash ruined the pic. With construction paper and crayons i draw in these missing moments with what i remember from blacked out nights and hung over mornings. Waiting on phone calls to to tell me of last night's glory and last night's ill-fated choices. Always wondering if i needed that last shot but always glad I took it. Asking the question, Why do I drink until I can't drink anymore? and always answering the same. Why would I drink, if I wasn't drink to get to the point I didnt remember anymore. My life is summed up not by the actions I haven't taken, but by the actions I have. I wake up after the night and always feel as brand new. The sun shining down on me is my way of knowing now matter how good or bad the night before was, i have 24 hours to reset and make it better. At night I look up into the moonlight knowing that it will be my only witness to my tears as I sit under the stars and cry myself to sleep. Sometimes tears of joy, sometimes tears to mask my pain. but always tears of life. But that enough of this, It's time to go out and try to make some new memories, because the ones I have now hurt to much.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
