Sunday, April 17, 2011
My Mind......
I swear my mind is all fucked up like Marv's from Sin City. I'm so not right in the head and someone is gonna pay the price for that. I can't remember anything anymore. All my memories and thoughts are going blank. i use to have such a beautiful mind. Now it's suck a scary and ugly place to visit. I don't like taking trips there any more. I use to visit there and walk through field full of pretty flowers and sweet fruit nectar on all the trees. Now there are just rotten apples and spoiled pears scattered all over the fields of dead crops and the corpse of dead rodents. I use to dream of tomorrow, now i only cry about yesterdays. Not that they were bad days, but I just can't recall them. Where have they gone. I look at my pads and the pages are empty, i reach for a pencil but it's not Sharp. I try to look at video and all that plays is snow. Where have I gone? Where has it gone? Passion has faded, will has faded, pleasure has faded, all has faded. There once was a time when I could yell and scream and bring myself back to reality. but those days are gone. My mind is gone, i swear my mind is all fucked up. I'm so not right in the head. but i think the only person that gonna pay the price, is me.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
They Cried, We Cried (RIP Malcolm, Martin, BIG and PAC)
They cried for Malcolm. They cried for Martin. We cried for Biggie. We cried for Pac. They gave Jesse and Farrakhan a pass, we did the same for Puff and Suge. They know and we know the reasons they were killed, but we stay silent. Why? Is it easier to give them a pass? Is the path that we take to feel more united. I hope not. Are we just puppets, following the strings of leaders that lead us not to the promise land, but lead us to ATM's and ask for our money, and tell us it's for "the greater good". How long can we carry on this cycle of lies and deceit? We argue about who was the best of all-time. They argue about which path to justice and equal rights should have been followed. We all miss that it's was all for not, because none of them are around to celebrate their life's work. Is the tradegy them dying in vain, or us disrespecting their memories by letting everything they lived for, get wasted in the wind. I hate that I have more questions than answers. I hate that in another 20 to 30 years, the memories of Malcolm and Martin will be faded. I hate that in another 30-40 years we will all but forgotten BIG and Pac. I hate the fact that in another 50 years, we will of all cried for nothing.
My Life nshit
Somebody told me I'm 32, that's 2 old to begoing out nshit,
getting blacked out drunk nshit.
I told then they right, so I took a hand full of vic's nshit.
See I wild out and can't remember shit so I turned my
life to reaility tv and now I'm followed around with a camera nshit.
I only go out on nights my phone bout to die nshit.
That cuts down on drunk text and the next mornings I'm sorry's nshit.
I'd tried to tell y'all I drink to mask my pain nshit.
My cries for help were just cries in vain. Life had me broken like the Bat, this world is my Bane nshit.
I could only find a love like Courtny's, so these bullets gonna go Kobain nshit.
But they not gonna report bout my death and morn me in the streets nshit,
I be lucky if the pour out liquor and toast RIP's nshit.
But for me, imma be good either way nshit.
Cause I'm drunk off my words, tipsy from my verbs,
high from my nouns. Fucking wasted from my sounds.
See I was writing for y'all, popping bottles to share how I
feel, but I should of been doing shots with myself, really keeping it real.
But I'm a be out and leave you on this note,
I'm additiced to drugs, cause all my words is dope.
.
getting blacked out drunk nshit.
I told then they right, so I took a hand full of vic's nshit.
See I wild out and can't remember shit so I turned my
life to reaility tv and now I'm followed around with a camera nshit.
I only go out on nights my phone bout to die nshit.
That cuts down on drunk text and the next mornings I'm sorry's nshit.
I'd tried to tell y'all I drink to mask my pain nshit.
My cries for help were just cries in vain. Life had me broken like the Bat, this world is my Bane nshit.
I could only find a love like Courtny's, so these bullets gonna go Kobain nshit.
But they not gonna report bout my death and morn me in the streets nshit,
I be lucky if the pour out liquor and toast RIP's nshit.
But for me, imma be good either way nshit.
Cause I'm drunk off my words, tipsy from my verbs,
high from my nouns. Fucking wasted from my sounds.
See I was writing for y'all, popping bottles to share how I
feel, but I should of been doing shots with myself, really keeping it real.
But I'm a be out and leave you on this note,
I'm additiced to drugs, cause all my words is dope.
.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
A Lil Lovve Story
A lil love story
Their was once a boy that knew a girl. He knew he loved the girl from
the first time he saw her, the only problem was he didn't know what
love was at the time. His storys nothing special to you. Boy meets
girl, girl meets boy, boy falls head over heals for girl, he hopes
girl feels the same. Yada, yada, yada. Boy is a fucking moron and
loses the only thing in life he's every loved cause he's a fucking
moron. That's just the start.
Years go by, and the 2 remain friends but never as close as they
were once was. They both grow, they have family's that they know they
both should of have together. They stay in contact through the stories
of their friends and family over the years. Knowing what one another
are doing and both wanting to reach out to the other and tell them
what's what. But not sure if it's pride, respect, fear if rejection or
just plain being stuburn that stops them from reaching out to each
other.
More time passes, and the 2 look on from a distance as the
others life is falling apart but still not reaching out until she,
knowing he can only take so much hurt in his life, reaches out and
calls him. From the moment his phone rings and he hears her voice,
every feeling he ever had for her comes racing back to his heart, and
he regressed back to the same boy that fell in love with that same
girl oh so many years ago.
That first conversation goes on for hours. His friends around
him can see that spring in his step over the next couple of days. He's
the old him, but at the same time, he's very hesatant. He knows his
flaws and that makes him scared to comit. Not because of fear of love
but because of fear that he can't give his princess everything he
feels and knows see deserves. He throws feelers out to her friends and
family to see what's going on. Everyone's cheering for them to be
together, because everyone knows they should be together.
The 2 of them flow together, their perfect ocean waves that
crash against the beaches of life in perfect rythem. They're love has
hit the beaches, ran up on shores that have weathered the worst
storms. No matter how bad waves got, they always returned back to the
calm of a lake behind a quiet little cotegge on a private island.
Now when they see each other, there's such a tence, comfertable,
uncomfortable feeling, which I think the 2 of them enjoy because it's
a symbol of how strong their love is. It's kind of enjoyable for the 2
of them. I belive it's the calm that keeps them together. That great
mystery of what if?? What if we stayed together? Or what if this was
the master plan to keep us apart to make our union stronger later on
in life?
Now I know your wondering what happenes to the 2 of them. does
love weather the storm? or does it die on a beach? Washed out againts
the surf. I can answer this question in time, but we have to she what
she says about this story. Hopfully, this lil love story, can turn
into a perfect love story. We'll see.
Their was once a boy that knew a girl. He knew he loved the girl from
the first time he saw her, the only problem was he didn't know what
love was at the time. His storys nothing special to you. Boy meets
girl, girl meets boy, boy falls head over heals for girl, he hopes
girl feels the same. Yada, yada, yada. Boy is a fucking moron and
loses the only thing in life he's every loved cause he's a fucking
moron. That's just the start.
Years go by, and the 2 remain friends but never as close as they
were once was. They both grow, they have family's that they know they
both should of have together. They stay in contact through the stories
of their friends and family over the years. Knowing what one another
are doing and both wanting to reach out to the other and tell them
what's what. But not sure if it's pride, respect, fear if rejection or
just plain being stuburn that stops them from reaching out to each
other.
More time passes, and the 2 look on from a distance as the
others life is falling apart but still not reaching out until she,
knowing he can only take so much hurt in his life, reaches out and
calls him. From the moment his phone rings and he hears her voice,
every feeling he ever had for her comes racing back to his heart, and
he regressed back to the same boy that fell in love with that same
girl oh so many years ago.
That first conversation goes on for hours. His friends around
him can see that spring in his step over the next couple of days. He's
the old him, but at the same time, he's very hesatant. He knows his
flaws and that makes him scared to comit. Not because of fear of love
but because of fear that he can't give his princess everything he
feels and knows see deserves. He throws feelers out to her friends and
family to see what's going on. Everyone's cheering for them to be
together, because everyone knows they should be together.
The 2 of them flow together, their perfect ocean waves that
crash against the beaches of life in perfect rythem. They're love has
hit the beaches, ran up on shores that have weathered the worst
storms. No matter how bad waves got, they always returned back to the
calm of a lake behind a quiet little cotegge on a private island.
Now when they see each other, there's such a tence, comfertable,
uncomfortable feeling, which I think the 2 of them enjoy because it's
a symbol of how strong their love is. It's kind of enjoyable for the 2
of them. I belive it's the calm that keeps them together. That great
mystery of what if?? What if we stayed together? Or what if this was
the master plan to keep us apart to make our union stronger later on
in life?
Now I know your wondering what happenes to the 2 of them. does
love weather the storm? or does it die on a beach? Washed out againts
the surf. I can answer this question in time, but we have to she what
she says about this story. Hopfully, this lil love story, can turn
into a perfect love story. We'll see.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
This Is Where We Are
It's funny that my mother was such a great judge of character but he biggest mistake was the second girl I married witch was also the women I married. I think she only cosigned my marriage because she thought that was making me happy. At he funeral, was a true testament of who she was. She had conversations with my pops about who she thought was best for me. I laugh a lot because at her wake, my sister giggled because the girl I was most close with had a special moment with my mother but i don't think my sister saw the whole picture. I never share my feelings with people but all I do is share my feelings with people. It's past a year that my mother evolved to a state where she could go and judge my actions and question everything i do. If you knew her, then you know she was that nosey to want to see what we were all doing and she knew this was the only way. So let's laugh and think about her as we welcome in the new year. I love you NovaMom and so do all of these people that you called baby and watched over
.
.
Sometimes Part2
Sometimes part 2
Sometimes I need someone to talk to, but no one is around.
Sometimes I listen and bite my lip because I know sometimes it's better to hear then to give advice.
Sometimes I'll send a text to my mother phone, knowing that I can get what I'm thinking off my chest and no matter what I say, no one is gonna judge me. Sometimes I look back at my youth and wonder if I gave up on some people to soon and think that our lives would have been.
Sometimes I write e-mails to my friends but don't hot send cause I'm scared that if I let down my wall, you won't look at me the same (but that's not totally true, because my friends will never judge me). Sometimes I drink by myself and toast to my friends because I live all of them. Sometimes I look at facebook and see just how many ex's I have and be like "Damn Rock, you've had a great freaking life and all of them would have made a great wife. Them was some good women you done fucked up good things with".
Sometimes I laugh because as crazy as it sounds and as down and out as I am, I know My Life Rocks and I'll Always Be Writing so no matter what happens to me, I'll stay with all of you forever.
And sometimes which is most of the time, I just feel the need to tell all of you, I love you.
All of you, because y'all are the reason, My Life Rocks.
.
Sometimes I need someone to talk to, but no one is around.
Sometimes I listen and bite my lip because I know sometimes it's better to hear then to give advice.
Sometimes I'll send a text to my mother phone, knowing that I can get what I'm thinking off my chest and no matter what I say, no one is gonna judge me. Sometimes I look back at my youth and wonder if I gave up on some people to soon and think that our lives would have been.
Sometimes I write e-mails to my friends but don't hot send cause I'm scared that if I let down my wall, you won't look at me the same (but that's not totally true, because my friends will never judge me). Sometimes I drink by myself and toast to my friends because I live all of them. Sometimes I look at facebook and see just how many ex's I have and be like "Damn Rock, you've had a great freaking life and all of them would have made a great wife. Them was some good women you done fucked up good things with".
Sometimes I laugh because as crazy as it sounds and as down and out as I am, I know My Life Rocks and I'll Always Be Writing so no matter what happens to me, I'll stay with all of you forever.
And sometimes which is most of the time, I just feel the need to tell all of you, I love you.
All of you, because y'all are the reason, My Life Rocks.
.
Return of the Skyline
Return Of The Skyline It's been a little bit less then 10 years since the most beautiful skyline in the world was taken from us. With it was taken the view that billions of people identified as the look of NYC, the look of America. When that vision was stolen from us, it also took away a great feeling of saftey from us.
The impact of the hit was felt by New Yorkers, Americans and people through out the world. It was a global impact. It was felt by all of us that lost loved ones. Those of us that watched on TV. Those of us that were standing blocks away when those planes crashed in to the Towers. We felt the rumble as we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, as we boarded the Ferry to Staten Island and those of us that were standing on Greenwich St, that were left standing in ash and smut from the debresse that came from the crumbling World Trade Center.
For almost a decade, I walked past the graves of loved ones, the scene of the crime and a shadow of once was the greatest monument that stood in the world. Those buildings not standing, gave me nightmares and fears that another attack could happen. It made me cringe when ever a plane flew low over the city. It made me keep on eye to the sky and an eye on anybody the looked out of place. That hole in the earth stood for the hole in my saftey blanket.
As I pass by the WTC now, I see a buliding standing nearly 60 stories tall and a second that is about 20 stories tall. When I stand down by the Staten Usland ferry I can see the NYC skyline returning to it's once great glory. I see more than 2 buliding's standing. I see a wall of saftey being reconstructed. I see the Skyline of the world returning. I see a return to life as we knew it. I see the return of my Skyline.
.
The impact of the hit was felt by New Yorkers, Americans and people through out the world. It was a global impact. It was felt by all of us that lost loved ones. Those of us that watched on TV. Those of us that were standing blocks away when those planes crashed in to the Towers. We felt the rumble as we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, as we boarded the Ferry to Staten Island and those of us that were standing on Greenwich St, that were left standing in ash and smut from the debresse that came from the crumbling World Trade Center.
For almost a decade, I walked past the graves of loved ones, the scene of the crime and a shadow of once was the greatest monument that stood in the world. Those buildings not standing, gave me nightmares and fears that another attack could happen. It made me cringe when ever a plane flew low over the city. It made me keep on eye to the sky and an eye on anybody the looked out of place. That hole in the earth stood for the hole in my saftey blanket.
As I pass by the WTC now, I see a buliding standing nearly 60 stories tall and a second that is about 20 stories tall. When I stand down by the Staten Usland ferry I can see the NYC skyline returning to it's once great glory. I see more than 2 buliding's standing. I see a wall of saftey being reconstructed. I see the Skyline of the world returning. I see a return to life as we knew it. I see the return of my Skyline.
.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Scramble
I'm a QB my life, but God is my head coach and he getting mad at me. I'm changing plays in the huddle. The Devil is sending all out blitz's. But I'm seeing his safety's sneaking up. A lot of movement on the D-line. Linebackers tryin to read my eyes. I'm moving the wide outs in motion, clearing the back field. I'm ready to start the play.
Ball snapped, and that quickly I see the play breaking down, these goon ass defence ends tryin to get in my pocket. My front line protection is breaking down. They won't allow me to get my feet set, I need to bounce to the outside. Let me go through my progression. Looks like my Receivers can't get open. I'm a have to let this play develop, linebackers coming, pressure breathing down my neck. They putting hands on me, trying to bring me down. I shake them off and get free.
I look to dump a short pass to my Running back. But that's not the kind of gain I need. It's 3rd and long at this point, I need to go for it all. Safety's still watching me, they know I love the long toss but they tryin to read my eyes. But I see those bitches, their greed is gonna be their down fall. Can't keep me away from what I love. Pump fake and they take the bait. I see the D breaking down. Fuck it, time to tuck the Rock and take it myself. I'm running for it. Still got to pass this linebacker, I hit him with a studer step, he's still on my heals. Stiff arm. I'm picking up steam, I got enough for the first, I can jump to the outside, hop out of bounds, take my yardage and play another but I see daylight. I'm going for it.
I'm picking up blocks down field, jump over these DB's grabbing at my ankles. Dumb Bitches, I've come to far to let them stop me. Coach is screaming for me to slide, but pride is pushing me. That safety is making a b-line at me like a bat out of Hell, this is gonna be close.
The game is slowing down for me right now, I hear half the crowd cheering me into the end zone but the other half praying for my downfall. Coach a has given me the tools and the plays to win, but this Defence the Devil has on the field is like nothing I've ever faced before. Time to focus.
10 yards to go and I see the pile-on. Me and this big bad safety named Lucifer have eyes locked. If he stays up, I'm diving in, if he goes low, I'm going up top. 5 yards to go. He's not showing his hand. This is gonna happen at the goal line. Down to the 2 and we crash into each other like two Mack trucks. This is painful, he has me wrapped up but my legs keep turning. I won't be stopped. Pushing, pulling, pushing, pulling. This is a battle.
I can hear the Ref blow the whistle. Did I make it? what's the call? No signal from the Ref? Somebody tell me something. Looks like the booth is gonna make the call. So I wait.......
Ball snapped, and that quickly I see the play breaking down, these goon ass defence ends tryin to get in my pocket. My front line protection is breaking down. They won't allow me to get my feet set, I need to bounce to the outside. Let me go through my progression. Looks like my Receivers can't get open. I'm a have to let this play develop, linebackers coming, pressure breathing down my neck. They putting hands on me, trying to bring me down. I shake them off and get free.
I look to dump a short pass to my Running back. But that's not the kind of gain I need. It's 3rd and long at this point, I need to go for it all. Safety's still watching me, they know I love the long toss but they tryin to read my eyes. But I see those bitches, their greed is gonna be their down fall. Can't keep me away from what I love. Pump fake and they take the bait. I see the D breaking down. Fuck it, time to tuck the Rock and take it myself. I'm running for it. Still got to pass this linebacker, I hit him with a studer step, he's still on my heals. Stiff arm. I'm picking up steam, I got enough for the first, I can jump to the outside, hop out of bounds, take my yardage and play another but I see daylight. I'm going for it.
I'm picking up blocks down field, jump over these DB's grabbing at my ankles. Dumb Bitches, I've come to far to let them stop me. Coach is screaming for me to slide, but pride is pushing me. That safety is making a b-line at me like a bat out of Hell, this is gonna be close.
The game is slowing down for me right now, I hear half the crowd cheering me into the end zone but the other half praying for my downfall. Coach a has given me the tools and the plays to win, but this Defence the Devil has on the field is like nothing I've ever faced before. Time to focus.
10 yards to go and I see the pile-on. Me and this big bad safety named Lucifer have eyes locked. If he stays up, I'm diving in, if he goes low, I'm going up top. 5 yards to go. He's not showing his hand. This is gonna happen at the goal line. Down to the 2 and we crash into each other like two Mack trucks. This is painful, he has me wrapped up but my legs keep turning. I won't be stopped. Pushing, pulling, pushing, pulling. This is a battle.
I can hear the Ref blow the whistle. Did I make it? what's the call? No signal from the Ref? Somebody tell me something. Looks like the booth is gonna make the call. So I wait.......
Thursday, November 11, 2010
N.U.T.S - Never Understand The Situiaton
N.U.T.S.
Never Understand The Situation
Life is confusing as shit sometimes. Things happen with no rhyme or reason. No explainiton. Nothing. These moments are the N.U.T.S
Like when your out on a date, everything is going good. Drinks are flowing, there's that super strong sexual vibe in the air, your making out on every street corner. You get back to the crib and then your date tells you that they can't go through with it because they still got feelings for their Ex. That my friend, is the N.U.T.S. You knew they were with it all night and now at closing time these feeling come up. That's deffinetly the N.U.T.S.
You know how the ATM charges you that 35 dollar fee for overdrafts. No matter how much you take out, they bang you for that fee. But you never remember that when your taking out the cash. It's not till your walking back to car with the 20 in your hand questioning why you just didn't take out a hundo. Yea, Overdraft fees are the N.U.T.S.
You know that phone bill you get and they charge you for going over your minutes but when you call they take off the charges. The 20 minute wait on hold is always the N.U.T.S.
Waiting for the cable guy between 12 and 4 and he shows up at 3:50 for 3 minutes of work. Its The N.U.T.S.
Subway delays in the mornings when your trying to get to work early. That's the N.U.T.S.
Traffic on the highway after a shit day of work. For no reason at all. Just crappy drivers. Equals the N.U.T.S.
Most of these rappers talking bout drugs, guns, money, jail and snitching. But soon as they get locked up the first thing they do is start giving up names. What happened to all that ra-ra shit they was spitting? Tallkin all that I'd rather be in the dirt then sit in a cell. Yeah right, Rappers are the N.U.T.S.
Baby Momma's. - The N.U.T.S.
Taxes - The N.U.T.S.
Parking Tickets - The N.U.T.S.
Bullies - The N.U.T.S.
Reaility TV - The N.U.T.S.
It's thousands of other things that fall under the N.U.T.S. but there's not enough paper in the world to write them all down. But now you know when some silly shit happens in your life, it's the N.U.T.S.
Never Understand The Situation
Life is confusing as shit sometimes. Things happen with no rhyme or reason. No explainiton. Nothing. These moments are the N.U.T.S
Like when your out on a date, everything is going good. Drinks are flowing, there's that super strong sexual vibe in the air, your making out on every street corner. You get back to the crib and then your date tells you that they can't go through with it because they still got feelings for their Ex. That my friend, is the N.U.T.S. You knew they were with it all night and now at closing time these feeling come up. That's deffinetly the N.U.T.S.
You know how the ATM charges you that 35 dollar fee for overdrafts. No matter how much you take out, they bang you for that fee. But you never remember that when your taking out the cash. It's not till your walking back to car with the 20 in your hand questioning why you just didn't take out a hundo. Yea, Overdraft fees are the N.U.T.S.
You know that phone bill you get and they charge you for going over your minutes but when you call they take off the charges. The 20 minute wait on hold is always the N.U.T.S.
Waiting for the cable guy between 12 and 4 and he shows up at 3:50 for 3 minutes of work. Its The N.U.T.S.
Subway delays in the mornings when your trying to get to work early. That's the N.U.T.S.
Traffic on the highway after a shit day of work. For no reason at all. Just crappy drivers. Equals the N.U.T.S.
Most of these rappers talking bout drugs, guns, money, jail and snitching. But soon as they get locked up the first thing they do is start giving up names. What happened to all that ra-ra shit they was spitting? Tallkin all that I'd rather be in the dirt then sit in a cell. Yeah right, Rappers are the N.U.T.S.
Baby Momma's. - The N.U.T.S.
Taxes - The N.U.T.S.
Parking Tickets - The N.U.T.S.
Bullies - The N.U.T.S.
Reaility TV - The N.U.T.S.
It's thousands of other things that fall under the N.U.T.S. but there's not enough paper in the world to write them all down. But now you know when some silly shit happens in your life, it's the N.U.T.S.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
iSwear I'm no Good
I'm just bad luck
I swear I'm bad news. Nothing good ever comes from me. This is a warning. A warning to all women. Don't get involved with me. Nothing good will come of it. I swear i'm cursed with a bad luck spell. Ladies, I tell u this as a warning. Stay away from me. I'm all kinds of bad news. I bring bad luck, bad news, heart break, heart ache and all things jinx. I'm no good for you. I'm all around bad news. There's no good that comes with dealing with me. In sure you'll get a couple of good months, a few good times but in the end, it just ends with bad shit. I'm not saying i'm gonna stop looking but I felt it was only wright that I give you fair warning.
I swear I'm bad news. Nothing good ever comes from me. This is a warning. A warning to all women. Don't get involved with me. Nothing good will come of it. I swear i'm cursed with a bad luck spell. Ladies, I tell u this as a warning. Stay away from me. I'm all kinds of bad news. I bring bad luck, bad news, heart break, heart ache and all things jinx. I'm no good for you. I'm all around bad news. There's no good that comes with dealing with me. In sure you'll get a couple of good months, a few good times but in the end, it just ends with bad shit. I'm not saying i'm gonna stop looking but I felt it was only wright that I give you fair warning.
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