missing pieces

I'm drunk in a room, think about days that have never come and nights that passed to soon. Playing back a moment lost because I was was waiting on nothing to happen. Replacing broken frame's from the pictures of my life, because the camera of time caught a reflection and the flash ruined the pic. With construction paper and crayons i draw in these missing moments with what i remember from blacked out nights and hung over mornings. Waiting on phone calls to to tell me of last night's glory and last night's ill-fated choices. Always wondering if i needed that last shot but always glad I took it. Asking the question, Why do I drink until I can't drink anymore? and always answering the same. Why would I drink, if I wasn't drink to get to the point I didnt remember anymore. My life is summed up not by the actions I haven't taken, but by the actions I have. I wake up after the night and always feel as brand new. The sun shining down on me is my way of knowing now matter how good or bad the night before was, i have 24 hours to reset and make it better. At night I look up into the moonlight knowing that it will be my only witness to my tears as I sit under the stars and cry myself to sleep. Sometimes tears of joy, sometimes tears to mask my pain. but always tears of life. But that enough of this, It's time to go out and try to make some new memories, because the ones I have now hurt to much.

My Hate (reflection)

My devotion to my emotion is the start of my problems, The feeling that I'm feeling from all of our dealing is leading me to these hurt and angry outburst. The mask is off and the face is pale. Not from the shock of your actions, but the blatant contradictions in your behavior. In my world yes is just yes, but you take my care with a grain of salt and no matter how I try to work thing out I see these is all leading to break. It should be a sad goodbye, where we think back to our happy times but those time were far and few in between. Where love was in my heart for you it has been replaced with hate. I once wanted you in my world, now nothing would bring a greater joy to me then to see you die a long, slow, painful, drawn out death. Where once poured rivers and streams of love for you, now burns disdain and distaste. You are the break of me. Your downfall has now become my only focus. My eyes that once poured tears missing you now burn red as I want nothing more than to see your last breath leave your body. But for now I'll get out of the mirror because i can no longer stand to see your face. I disgust me because this is the reflection of me.

Our Road (The Path of Faith)

You have the right to question your faith and you have the choice to choose your path. But in the end, both your choice's and your rights will lead you to a place of your proper being. We are all looking for a place that will lead us to salvation. And while most will tell you to look to God, the sad truth is most of us know not where to look. We flock to the church for a feeling of comfort in the house of the lord but sadly this places have become tombs of lies, mistrust, thief's, sinners and vultures of the soul that pick on the flesh of the weak and at the pockets of the morally unsound. We sit there and hear the words of the bible, spoke to us, yelled to us, and song to us. But it's never explained. The reason why faith is questioned, is because its not understood. We want answers, but we don't look for them. Not because we don't want to, but because we don't know how to. It's easy for me to sit here and point out the problems. It's easy for people to read this and tell me how I'm wrong for saying this. But the fact of the matter is that what I'm saying is the truth. We all will find God in our own special way, and that's a process that takes time. It sad that for some of our youth might never have a chance to make there peace with there maker until it's to late. Lying in the street holding on to life is not how you should come to grips with our faith. But all across this planet life's are being lost at an alarming rate. We must choose our paths better so the generations that follow us will have a bit more direction. Were all headed to the promise land, so lets plug our GPS's in, and get there together. MLR My Life Rocks because I have set a course and plan to stay on it.

No Tomorrow

We live in a world that is full of double talk. a world that shows you everything but wont allow you to see anything. They let you dream only to wake you up. They tell you how can have anything, that you should want everything, fight for something but ask for nothing. They'll flaunt all the gold and silver in front of you, they'll put the brass rings in your sights but always just out of reach. Your head gets filled with visions of the juiciest fruits, but once you bite into them, you taste the sourness which is life. The condemn you when you tell your tale of how hard life is for you. they spit in face when ask for help. They stomp on your hands when you reach for a loan. The businesses that are here to help you are the very ones that hurt you. The leaders of state that you put into office turn there backs on you as soon as there elected to six figure jobs and the cushy offices. And then they give you the excuse that this is what u asked for when they knew the whole platform they ran on was based on a lie. it make you wonder where it starts at. I always look into the homes we were brought up in. Our parents, the ones that were suppose to be our role models, the ones that got lazy and passed the buck on to out teachers who in turn passed us on to the world without a clue what was right and what was wrong. but back to our parents, the ones that taught us not to lie (but always told a story to their boss on why they couldn't come in). The ones that taught us to be faithful to our mates(while they cheated on each other and used their partners blind love to get away with it). Yes, those very parents that said we should put our faith in God(the same God that they turned their backs on as the sinned and went against all the teachings of the Bible). There way of grooming us into adult hood is the reason why were not sure whats right and wrong in this world. If we raise our kids of the principales we were taught, the hope for our children is doomed. We must look to the light and find whats right or there will be No Tomorrow

#nobasements (my rants)

Why go to church and confess you sin's to God? He knows what your doing before you do it. It's all his plan right? #nobasements

I don't think I'm going to hell when I die. I just won't feel the pain anymore. And if I do I'll just roast some smores #nobasements

I was ready to sign them papers before Usher. Why did I marry that girl? I just wanted to crush her #nobasements

I asked the lady to come in and sit on my cutting board. I wanted a piece of her mind #nobasements

I keep a bat made of stone. I'm talking violence when I say I'm going to the club #nobasements think about that for a second

After my mother passed away so did my feelings about what I say. I bury bodies out of state, death happens when I va-K #nobasements

I choke a hoe with a Cheerio then I be like oh, then I pimp her corpse with bling and have the hood like whoa #nobasements

I could tell ya future, I f u cross me bets believe I'm gonna shoot ya. If I see you flossin then u know I'm gonna loot ya #nobasements

Yeah I'm kind of psycho, I hit so that you know. Touch u little nigga's like my name was Michael #nobasements

Its got to be killing u how I'm fighting for my life. You better hate me man cause I'm sliding dick to your wife #nobasements

Dont lose your dinosaur, always TRex shit. Call Me Bobby Flay, ill Tex-Mex it. See me in the kitchen, cooking up some next shit #nobasements

I cn play the drums & U cn play ur self. I cn beat her pussy up & make her cum on herself. I play the bar but only topshelf #nobasements

You'll never find tomorrow looking for it yesterday. Walk your own path and you'll find the right way #nobasements

Bout 2 get back on the horse, live 4 the hrs cause the time is ours, I dont care bout the picket fences & pretty flowers #nobasements

I'm tired of this bubble gum rap by these bubble wrap niggas. I pop bubble wrap so it's a wrap for these niggas #nobasements

I used bricks to bulid a wall around my heart so I will never get hurt again. But i'm slowly tearing it down from the inside #nobasements

I can't love any1 else till I learn to love myself. And at this point I'm not really feeling myself so I'll stall all by myself #nobasements

#nobasements so I got a straight to hell flow. Kick em down the stairs, there's no were else to go. Call up Satan tell'm I'm at the door

Everyone says they love you.....Right before you kill them #nobasements

I'm paying Satan child support because I'm always raising hell #nobasements

If it wasn't for violence, nothing would every get done. U see how people move when u bring it to the guns #nobasements

My life has been side tracked for the last year or so. I should get back on the right path but you don't hear me tho #nobasements

People who live in heaven shouldn't judge us that live in hell. #nobasements

Go to work tomorrow and demand a raise. CE0's talk different when a gun on the table. #nobasements

The beautiful thing about life is, we will all die someday. And in the end, that's all that's guaranteed #nobasements

I wish we could all be peace but #realtalk I only respect violence #nobasements

You'll never realize how much u love your life, until your about to die. Push your life to the limit and you'll always get it #nobasements

The Equation of Life x+y=Z

I just want happiness and I see yours so I envy. My wants are not goals so that makes my own thoughts my worst enemy. My thoughts of tomorrow will be the end of me, my mind races to much, and that's no good for me. My spirits are crushed and that a shame 2me. The heart makes the mind wonder unto depths that I thought I could never reach. Only to find that when I reach those depths i never should of went search for those answers that were not really questions to begin with. The confusion in my life will lead me to clarity but the road that I walk is a long and twisted one. My feet are tired and my soul is stained. My pillow is stained from the tears from years of my face being planted into, crying myself to sleep. Not over one reason but just the many reasons that add up to life. We all try to process these equations of our lifes in our own different ways. And no matter how many time we do the math, it just never seams to add up. So all we can do is add more factors into our equation, more X's, more Y's and more Z's. Wishing we payed more attention in algebra class. Life lesson's become our tudors, and our faith becomes our professor's. We study our life and wait for our final test given to us by God. Good luck on your test everyone. No one knows when the exam date is but keep a number 2 pencil ready because you never know when your going to be called into the office.

x=joy y=pain z=life

Random Thoughts

I just want happiness and I see yours so I envy. My wants are not goals so that makes my own thoughts my worst enemy. My thoughts of tomorrow will be the end of me, my mind races to much, and that's no good for me. My spirits are crushed and that a shame 2me. Some times my eye's go dark and I'm empty of feelings. I only hang on to my sanity by a thread. Bored with life, need 2 switch it up. I've been cruising 2 long, I need 2 gear it up. I think it's the drink in my cup, I need 2 give it up.

I only tell u I care, because its what u want 2 hear. I only tell u I'm scared, cause I see your fear. Your really alone, even tho I'm here.

If I found out I don't love the love of my life, does that mean my life shall have no love or the love I thought I had never was.

I've seen 2 much

I've held a person in my arms as they died and I've looked a person in there eye's as they blinked the last time. I've had my hands on a friends chest as his lungs let out there last breath. I've seen death more than I care to have. I've wondered lost on a road with another persons blood on my hands. I've lost loved ones to the streets, to bad health and even worst luck. I've had to experience losing a child I never got know. My life has had it's up's and downs. My heart has to beat faster, and bleed slower. I've gone through more than most put together and still I stand. I stand ready to face it all again. Wanting a better tomorrow but ready to brave more of the same. Don't question why I drink, or why I laugh and not cry. My tears flow but they are not to be shared. I'am a rock, so I stand pat. I've seen good, I've seen bad. And I'll see more. I'll stand to see another day but with my eye's closed thus time because I've seen 2 much.

the moment

the funny thing about love is you never know were your going to find, or worse, when your going to lose it. But people miss the fact that if u get your heartbroken once, u might be lucky enough to have it broken again. In short love life each moment u live it, forever is right now and Forever is in your heart.

A Change In MY Life

As we approach the end of year, I look back over the 12 months and see that this was a huge year for me. I saw a growth in myself that I never thought would happen. For the first time in my life I went through real Life changing events, and judging by the way I handled them I know that I'm mentally stronger right now in my life then I have ever been and ever thought I could be. I've had my heart, my mind, my soul and my faith tested this year. Truly pushed to my limits. And a lot of these event were not bad things, a few of them were joyous occasions. They said you don't become a man until you look your fears in the eye and face them. I've faced my fears, my fear of becoming a man. Finally taking responsibility for all that's going on in my world. And taking control of my destiny to pave my own road for my future. All these years I did a pretty good job of hiding behind my childish demeanor and avoiding growing up but this year I was force to handle my business. I thought I was the man before but I know that I'm a man now. They saw that only love can kill the demon. It turns out I was looking for love in all the wrong places. As i was looking for a heart to share with mine, I over looked my own heart and when i finally looked into my heart, I found enough love to help me carry on for 100 more years. I amazed myself doing half of the things I did. from the outside it might not look like much, but from were I sit the view I see is my 40 acres and a mule.

The year started with heartache and ended with heartache. But before the Sunlight must come the rain. Before the joy must come the pain. A lot of the pain I went through opened the doors for me to enter my soul and it allowed me to access emotions I didn't know I could reach. It was as if ever hurt was turned into a blessing. Each month was it's own test to my mental toughness. I don't know if these test are over, but I think I'm scoring above average. Every event connected a piece of the puzzle to another piece to yet another piece. From getting custody of Chris leading up to the passing of my Mother, all of these event's played out as if they were scripted. They helped to mold the new and improved me. They changed me. So I figure I would share this with all of you because all of you were here for me through out this very trying year. Take these words as my thank you and know that I love all of you because you helped build this new me that feels he can take on anything in the years to come. Again thank you. and remember--- MLR (My Life Rocks) because My friends Love Me and I love them.