This Is Where We Are

It's funny that my mother was such a great judge of character but he biggest mistake was the second girl I married witch was also the women I married. I think she only cosigned my marriage because she thought that was making me happy. At he funeral, was a true testament of who she was. She had conversations with my pops about who she thought was best for me. I laugh a lot because at her wake, my sister giggled because the girl I was most close with had a special moment with my mother but i don't think my sister saw the whole picture. I never share my feelings with people but all I do is share my feelings with people. It's past a year that my mother evolved to a state where she could go and judge my actions and question everything i do. If you knew her, then you know she was that nosey to want to see what we were all doing and she knew this was the only way. So let's laugh and think about her as we welcome in the new year. I love you NovaMom and so do all of these people that you called baby and watched over
.

Sometimes Part2

Sometimes part 2
Sometimes I need someone to talk to, but no one is around.
Sometimes I listen and bite my lip because I know sometimes it's better to hear then to give advice.
Sometimes I'll send a text to my mother phone, knowing that I can get what I'm thinking off my chest and no matter what I say, no one is gonna judge me. Sometimes I look back at my youth and wonder if I gave up on some people to soon and think that our lives would have been.
Sometimes I write e-mails to my friends but don't hot send cause I'm scared that if I let down my wall, you won't look at me the same (but that's not totally true, because my friends will never judge me). Sometimes I drink by myself and toast to my friends because I live all of them. Sometimes I look at facebook and see just how many ex's I have and be like "Damn Rock, you've had a great freaking life and all of them would have made a great wife. Them was some good women you done fucked up good things with".
Sometimes I laugh because as crazy as it sounds and as down and out as I am, I know My Life Rocks and I'll Always Be Writing so no matter what happens to me, I'll stay with all of you forever.
And sometimes which is most of the time, I just feel the need to tell all of you, I love you.

All of you, because y'all are the reason, My Life Rocks.
.

Return of the Skyline

Return Of The Skyline It's been a little bit less then 10 years since the most beautiful skyline in the world was taken from us. With it was taken the view that billions of people identified as the look of NYC, the look of America. When that vision was stolen from us, it also took away a great feeling of saftey from us.

The impact of the hit was felt by New Yorkers, Americans and people through out the world. It was a global impact. It was felt by all of us that lost loved ones. Those of us that watched on TV. Those of us that were standing blocks away when those planes crashed in to the Towers. We felt the rumble as we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, as we boarded the Ferry to Staten Island and those of us that were standing on Greenwich St, that were left standing in ash and smut from the debresse that came from the crumbling World Trade Center.

For almost a decade, I walked past the graves of loved ones, the scene of the crime and a shadow of once was the greatest monument that stood in the world. Those buildings not standing, gave me nightmares and fears that another attack could happen. It made me cringe when ever a plane flew low over the city. It made me keep on eye to the sky and an eye on anybody the looked out of place. That hole in the earth stood for the hole in my saftey blanket.

As I pass by the WTC now, I see a buliding standing nearly 60 stories tall and a second that is about 20 stories tall. When I stand down by the Staten Usland ferry I can see the NYC skyline returning to it's once great glory. I see more than 2 buliding's standing. I see a wall of saftey being reconstructed. I see the Skyline of the world returning. I see a return to life as we knew it. I see the return of my Skyline.
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Scramble

I'm a QB my life, but God is my head coach and he getting mad at me. I'm changing plays in the huddle. The Devil is sending all out blitz's. But I'm seeing his safety's sneaking up. A lot of movement on the D-line. Linebackers tryin to read my eyes. I'm moving the wide outs in motion, clearing the back field. I'm ready to start the play.

Ball snapped, and that quickly I see the play breaking down, these goon ass defence ends tryin to get in my pocket. My front line protection is breaking down. They won't allow me to get my feet set, I need to bounce to the outside. Let me go through my progression. Looks like my Receivers can't get open. I'm a have to let this play develop, linebackers coming, pressure breathing down my neck. They putting hands on me, trying to bring me down. I shake them off and get free.

I look to dump a short pass to my Running back. But that's not the kind of gain I need. It's 3rd and long at this point, I need to go for it all. Safety's still watching me, they know I love the long toss but they tryin to read my eyes. But I see those bitches, their greed is gonna be their down fall. Can't keep me away from what I love. Pump fake and they take the bait. I see the D breaking down. Fuck it, time to tuck the Rock and take it myself. I'm running for it. Still got to pass this linebacker, I hit him with a studer step, he's still on my heals. Stiff arm. I'm picking up steam, I got enough for the first, I can jump to the outside, hop out of bounds, take my yardage and play another but I see daylight. I'm going for it.

I'm picking up blocks down field, jump over these DB's grabbing at my ankles. Dumb Bitches, I've come to far to let them stop me. Coach is screaming for me to slide, but pride is pushing me. That safety is making a b-line at me like a bat out of Hell, this is gonna be close.

The game is slowing down for me right now, I hear half the crowd cheering me into the end zone but the other half praying for my downfall. Coach a has given me the tools and the plays to win, but this Defence the Devil has on the field is like nothing I've ever faced before. Time to focus.

10 yards to go and I see the pile-on. Me and this big bad safety named Lucifer have eyes locked. If he stays up, I'm diving in, if he goes low, I'm going up top. 5 yards to go. He's not showing his hand. This is gonna happen at the goal line. Down to the 2 and we crash into each other like two Mack trucks. This is painful, he has me wrapped up but my legs keep turning. I won't be stopped. Pushing, pulling, pushing, pulling. This is a battle.

I can hear the Ref blow the whistle. Did I make it? what's the call? No signal from the Ref? Somebody tell me something. Looks like the booth is gonna make the call. So I wait.......

N.U.T.S - Never Understand The Situiaton

N.U.T.S. 
Never Understand The Situation

    Life is confusing as shit sometimes. Things happen with no rhyme or reason. No explainiton. Nothing. These moments are the N.U.T.S
 
     Like when your out on a date, everything is going good. Drinks are flowing, there's that super strong sexual vibe in the air, your making out on every street corner. You get back to the crib and then your date tells you that they can't go through with it because they still got feelings for their Ex. That my friend, is the N.U.T.S. You knew they were with it all night and now at closing time these feeling come up. That's deffinetly the N.U.T.S.

     You know how the ATM charges you that 35 dollar fee for overdrafts. No matter how much you take out, they bang you for that fee. But you never remember that when your taking out the cash. It's not till your walking back to car with the 20 in your hand questioning why you just didn't take out a hundo. Yea, Overdraft fees are the N.U.T.S.

    You know that phone bill you get and they charge you for going over your minutes but when you call they take off the charges. The 20 minute wait on hold is always the N.U.T.S.

    Waiting for the cable guy between 12 and 4 and he shows up at 3:50 for 3 minutes of work. Its The N.U.T.S.

    Subway delays in the mornings when your trying to get to work early. That's the N.U.T.S.

     Traffic on the highway after a shit day of work. For no reason at all. Just crappy drivers. Equals the N.U.T.S.

     Most of these rappers talking bout drugs, guns, money, jail and snitching. But soon as they get locked up the first thing they do is start giving up names. What happened to all that ra-ra shit they was spitting? Tallkin all that I'd rather be in the dirt then sit in a cell. Yeah right, Rappers are the N.U.T.S.

   Baby Momma's. - The N.U.T.S.
   Taxes  - The N.U.T.S.
   Parking Tickets - The N.U.T.S.
   Bullies - The N.U.T.S.
   Reaility TV - The N.U.T.S.

  It's thousands of other things that fall under the N.U.T.S. but there's not enough paper in the world to write them all down. But now you know when some silly shit happens in your life, it's the N.U.T.S.           

iSwear I'm no Good

I'm just bad luck

I swear I'm bad news. Nothing good ever comes from me. This is a warning. A warning to all women. Don't get involved with me. Nothing good will come of it. I swear i'm cursed with a bad luck spell. Ladies, I tell u this as a warning. Stay away from me. I'm all kinds of bad news. I bring bad luck, bad news, heart break, heart ache and all things jinx. I'm no good for you. I'm all around bad news. There's no good that comes with dealing with me. In sure you'll get a couple of good months, a few good times but in the end, it just ends with bad shit. I'm not saying i'm gonna stop looking but I felt it was only wright that I give you fair warning.  

Death can't be worse

This is crazy to day but it's more crazy to feel. I don't know what's wrong with me but I do know nothing is right with me. I think I've pushed my life to the limit and there's no more I can go. I'm not in a good place anymore. All of my goals and dreams I wanted to reach, I did. And when a dreamer can't dream anymore, what us he left with?my goals in life as a child mighthave been set to low but what they were, I reached. I want to make a millon dollars net in my life, I did that plus some. I wanted to name a kid after me. I did that and he's awesome. I wanted to drive a truck down the east coast. As crazy as that sounds, I drove that bug yellow truck from here to south carolina and loved every minute of it. Those where my goals as a kid. I had them writen down. I checked everyone of them off as I did it. It's crazy to say but the truth is, I've done what everyone ever wanted to do. I lived my perfect life. Everything you can imange, I've done. I've been married, I've been divorced. I've had healthy kids. I've been in love, lust, and just plaine Horney. I've enjoyed each of them the same and pushed all of them to the limit. I'm my life I've done more than iever wanted to do. I've left an impact on everyone I've ever meet. And I belive it's been on a postive note. But sadly, I don't want to lice anymore. I've alwas looked at killing yourself as a cowards way out but lately, I've noticed that I've been more coward than man. This is bottom and I've worse than hit it. I touched it and let my self get comfortable. My life feels like it's over. I've failed and i've failed ever one in it. It sucks that I'm saying this but it feels so good to admite it. 
 my future had not been written but if it wasn't for KidNova, it sure would be printed. I've lived the life I wanted to live. I'm so close to being done. I only wake up just so KidNova won't have to deal with anymore pain. 

  as much as I lve him, I don't live myself any more and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm done with my cries for help. I'm gonna sit down with pinky sometime over the next couple of weeks and me and her are gonna figure this all out. If you hear from me after that then it worked out. If u don't hear from me then that also means it worked out and I might be happier. Either way, I was one hell of a friend to you and if I wasn't, I'll make up for it in the next life

  death is the question I asked myself ever since I was about 12 years old. I asked it every time u was backed into a corner, and it was answered every time I fought myself out. But lately no ones Bren picking up when I called, so I guess it is what it is. 

  I love you all and tonight is what it us. But remember -MLR-MyLifeRocked because i lived it to the limit and I LIVED IT ALIVE. 

           CHris ROCK Glover

Sometimes........

Edit
Sometimes
by Chris Glover on Tuesday, January 5, 2010 at 1:34am
Sometimes I look through my pads and read what I write.
Sometimes I want to tear the pages out because they hold so much hurt
Sometimes I'll just write the same words over and over
Sometimes I write about hate
Sometimes I write about love
Sometimes the words I write are scattered all over my pad
Sometimes I'm not writing for myself but for friends and loved ones
Sometimes I'll sit in my room and talk to myself for hours and not write a word of it down
Sometimes I overthink an event
Sometimes I really don't think at all.
Sometimes I wish I was dead
Sometimes I want to live forever
Sometimes I'll write something just like this, that has no begining, no middle and no end. Just because sometimes words don't say enough. And sometimes when I'm not saying anything I'm sayin the most.
But most of the time I'm just writing because I love to write.

6 Millions ways........

Edit
6 million ways to......
by Chris Glover on Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 1:44am
There's 6 million ways to die I choose three. Love, hate and just being me. They all will leave you alone. Stuck by myself is were I start to zone. In love I wanted to sit on a thrown, be a King, find a Queen. Live in a country home. Just me and her away from the city. Living like royalty, watching over many. But dreams like that are always to good to be. It would be only a matter of time, before someone would come gunning for us, most likely someone we trust. Could it be, life would be, our worst enemy. It would be a plague that would take me Queen from me. So in the madness I turned to hate. Hate everything I saw, everything that was. I could trust no one, believe no one. Every word that I heard became a lie, it became the only truth was in I. So I took to me being my own private console, my own general, my own whole army. That lead to cracks in the wall, were I once stood tall, that would be the home to my soon future down fall. All paths will lead to death, so in each breath I exhale like there ain't nothing left. Now I sit back and count the ways, stuck here in a daze. My world of glory gone up in a blaze. But still to the world I strayed, I still want to play. So now I sleep and pray to rise another day, and look to add a fourth to my 6 million ways.

Lost in a Thought

I got lost in a thought today. I'm not sure if I ever want to leave
it. It was a beautiful and magical thought. Dare I say it was a
perfect thought. But there was one problem. It wasn't my thought. My
mind was crossed with another and I need to discover what amazing
persons head I was in. A link that strong must be found again. My will
to regain this connection is almost greater than the thought it self.

But back to that thought, it wasn't a far of land of Daisy's,
roses and Lilly's. They were not white houses and picket fences. No
endless bars, no tables of food, not hundreds of scantly clad women
running around. It was much better than any of those things. Heck, it
was better than all those things put together.

I was in a clear space. It was empty. Like a blank piece of
paper. When I looked up, I just hundreds and thousands of letters
floating across the sky's. With a look at each letter, they would fall
out of the sky. Raining down on my blank canvas until pages upon pages
were full of words. Full of stories. Full of perfection. Full of
passion. Full of the future. Full of me.

This thought that I'm lost in is the most amazing feeling I've
ever had. But still sadly, this is not my thought. This is to great to
be one thought. This is millions of thoughts. But I think I've found
out who's thoughts these are. There all of your thoughts. I see your
vision, so know it's up to all of you to share these thoughts with
others. Stop reading people, start writing. Your vision is far to
beautiful not to share.

I'm Engaged

My life, it's filled with love and hate. But I've spent most of it trying to figure out witch one over powers witch. I've loved a lot of girls, I've loved all of my friends and I've loved all of my family but still to this day I'm not sure I've ever really been IN LOVE. 

   I say that to and I'm  sorry to Nicole, Nicole, Amanda, Kelly, Angela and a few others. But the fact of the matter is, i've never really know what love is. Sure, I've said it a million times but to be honest (for once in my life) I don't KNOW what love is. It's always been a fallback statement for me. It's always said to keep you instreted in what I was saying or going through. I could feed you some bull about how I didn't know it would effect you in any way but I'm trying to be some what honest here. So the crap I've feed y'all for years just won't cut it. I'll get back to y'all in a second.

   Everynow and then I feel I have to write one of these, (this is who I am and this is why I do it speaches) bit there is a reason why I do it. I get these last night on earth feelings, ever so often and I know I have to say what I'm thinking right at that time, because if not, all that's going to be left of me is a memory of a man that drank too much, wrote too little and left yall not knowing who I truely was.  So I fix all that in nights like tonight.

   I know who I'am and I know what I'm really about. I know who I live, who I've always loved and the only thing I will ever love. IRS always going to be me an my bottle. Period, end of story. I'm a drinker, I'm a drunk, I'm a lush. I'm a al could call it. (say it fast and put it together). I don't blame no body for what I've become. Not saying I can't blame some of y'all but I'am who I am and i'm damn proud of it. 

    To put it short, would I be a different person if y'all read what I wrote or if y'all cane to my shows? Hell yes I would, but I can't put that on any of you. That's Gods job. (so you will go unpunished but he's a different story) just now that now I'm married to my writting so I can't fuck with y'all how I use to. 

    My life is filled with love, with hate and with tomorrow. The big debate is which one I'm going to put my all behind. And which one is going to give the most back to me. I can't give all my heart to a single person. I have way to much love in me for that. Not to mention that thr person that gets all my good will also have to take all my bad. And there's bot a person in earth that can handle all of that.


    So yeah, I'm getting married again. And I know it's true live this time. I'm marring into what will live me at 3 in the morning and 12 in the afternoon. I'm marring a love that is unconditional no matter what. I'm marring my words and I know they will always be there for me. No matter what crazy shit I say or write.


    Wait, did y'all think Was talking about a girl. Damn, I guess y'all don't really know me. And that's just sad.   Well, in case y'all missed it., Im engaged to my writing again. My one true love

My last Letter on this subject........ EVER (fuck most of y'all) I love you mama but you know how I felt about everybody else. This is our letter

Sup everybody, it's Chris, some of y'all knew me as Rock but everybody should know me as not giving a fuck. I tried for months trying to make my mothers passing a good thing fir everybody bit that didn't work. Everybody says my moms died so everybody could be better people, bullshit. Ain't none of y'all phony ass people done nothing better for yourselves or nothing better in her name. I'm not buying the bullshit you and your God is selling. Fuck all of you. My Moms ain't like most if talk then and I know she would of called the rest of you out now for all of your fake shit. Someone needs to say it, so I'll do it. I would be the first person she called out, but as if she was alive, I would pay it no Attn. I loved her more than any of the fake love I've showed all of y'all the last year. And I'm not going to start faking love for y'all now. Fuck more than half of y'all. You shitted on her when she needed you and y'all were not there for her so FUCK ALL OF YOU. more than half of you are reading this with out being my friends any way. So don't think I feel bad. I do everything I do for me and me alone. I love my son and I know he's going to be OK. No matter what the end story that's written about me is going to be. So simply put. FUCK EVERYBODY, DO WHAT EVER THE FUCK YOU WANT, KNOW THAT IN A FEW WEEKS/MONTHS THAT WHEN WHAT EVER I HAVE KILLS ME, I WENT OUT LIVING JUST HOW I LIVED. NOT GIVING FUCK ABOUT HOW YOU FELT ABOUT ME-- SIGNED CHRIS GLOVER SR.

The Break

There is a separation between life and love. At some point we all reach
it, it becomes a crossroads for our hearts. When do we discover it? Or
better yet when does it discover us? It is unleashed upon us like bats
out of Hell that suck the thoughts out of your mind and the feeling
from your soul. I don't know when I first got on this path to emptiness
and I don't know if I'll ever get off of it, Hell, I'm not even sure I
want to get off it. But I can figure that out later.

My Melody

When the horns blows blow I feel captured by the rapture. The melody takes me to a far away place. I feel no pain, hurt or anger in this land. I know it's not a feeling I won't be able to enjoy for long so when I'm taken there I try to embrace every moment of it. This place takes me back to my childhood, back to when I was too stupid or naive to know the horrors the real world had planned for me. I see all of my friends that time has taken away or separated me from. I see the swing set and the slide that I would wake up early on weekend mornings, begging to go play on then. I see the images of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons. The Smurfs, the Snorks, Fragile Rock. I see my mothers fried chicken. Nothing but plates and plates of chicken legs, with as much ketcup as I want for them. I see Kelli, the first crush I ever had. She's siting on the fence looking so Innocent and pretty. I see a mirror and see something I don't see to often anymore, me smiling. I try to hold onto this moment fir as long as I can but the horns are fading now. My magic song is over. My happy place is now just another soon to be faded memory. Oh well, I guess I'll just hit repeat and see if those horns will take me back again.

If I....

If I......

If I told u I was dying, what would u say? If I told u there was no cure for me, how would u react? If I told u I only had months, maybe only weeks left, whould u still stand by me?

   If I told u I was leaving, would u try to bring me back? If I broke ur heart, would u allow time to heal the wound or would just u grip and rip at it to keep the scares fresh? If I told you my mind and heart wasn't really in to u, would u try to kill me while I sleep? 

   If I need a shoulder to cry on would u lend it? If I needed to voice how I feel, would ur ears listen? If I fell down, would u extend a hand and help me to my feet? If I had no place to go, would u take me in?  If I walked alone, would join join me? 

  What if we stopped with all the what if's and just did it. I don't even have to think twice on how I would answer any of these what if's. Cause I know I would be there for u in a heartbeat. What if everything could be that simple. 

What These Hands Will Do!!!!

You see these hands?? These hands don't break stones, They mold clay. I make the images that make the world beautiful. I'm an artist. The art I make may not be liked by many but it shall be loved by all. When its all said and done, my mark will be left on this earth. I will be logged in the the history books as a master of words. Misunderstood, but that will be the magic of my words. Each reader will take something different away from everything I write. With not one of them truly gripping what I was truly saying. I love that. I throw so many curve balls when I write because my words are just a reflection of the energy that my body begs to release. My writing is equal to throwing bucket and buckets of paint on a wall and then waiting for it to dry and seeing what comes of it. I guess you can say I write abstract. I know I think abstract, so these words would only be done justice if i wrote them as such. But these hands will mold the future, they will set the new standard. They will be the hands that lead the movement. Oh, and this movement will be written. But not by me, but by you. We are the leaders of this writing revolution. We need to go hard and let the world feel our impact.

True Love - Our Poem

This is a love poem, but it not a regular love poem. This is our love poem. Yours and mine. His and hers. Her and her man's. This poem is about love, but the worst kind of love. It's the love that you have no say in. It's the love that you cant have. No matter how much you want it. It's about the person you know loves you back but just not as much as you love them. Everybody has that love. You know that love that no matter what your doing once they show back up in your life, everything else becomes for not. This is about that love that freezes time. The love you say and try to convince yourself your over. but you and I know that you'll never be over that love. What's keeping you apart? You'll ask yourself that a million times. But the answer is never correct because you will always try to convince yourself thats not the case. We all have that love. Take a second right now and think about that person. You see that smile light up across your face. You love that feeling right. It always feels good. Now wait for it.............. here comes the hurt again. Here comes the question's again. the two go together like how you feel you and your love should. Yeah, this is a love poem alright. It's a poem about how something as beautiful as love could be so disgustingly painful that it makes you not want to love. But then what would be the fun in loving if there wasn't any pain, right? Kind of make's you hate love, right? But don't. Because love isn't meant for us to have. It's meant for us to share. Love is just what love is. It's bigger than you and me. it's bigger than Him and her. it's bigger than her and her man's. This is a love poem, but it's not a regular love poem. This is our love poem.

A Love Lost

A Love Lost

I see her, but it's only from a far. I see her and I can see a future with her, I can see me and her having a house on the hills, facing the water or an apt in the NYC, overlooking the bright lights of the city. I can see us showing our kids off at work events. Her and I walking into the best resturants around town, me with my head held high, her with a glow about her. She is more than a throphy wife, she is more than a hit it and quit it, not a jumpoff, not a one night stand. She's more than my equal. She's more than a part of me. She's is my everything. The sound of her voice stops me in my tracks. When I look in her eyes I see tomorrow and the next day. I see the rest of my life. I see all of my life. She is my life. She is all of my hopes and dreams come true. But..... but.....but....... 

    This is all a dream, this is not a future than can happen, not a future that will happen. As I sit here and stare at her, I sit motionless. I'm frozen in time. I want this to be a reality but time and space will not allow it. As each moment passes I can feel my heart shatter. And yet I still can't change a thing about this perfect future I had planned out for me and her. 

    Shes being taken away from me and. I'm helpless. I can't stop it. I see her drifting away. I want to pull her back but I defenseless. The power has her. I can't see her anymore, I can't see my future I had laid out. It's being taken away from me and it's killing me on the inside. I guess it just wasn't meet to be. 

Epilogue: as I sit I'm my hosipital bed awaking from my coma, my mother tells me she is gone. Her life taken away from me as soon as our life together had began. Me wishing it was I that was driving so the car would have plowed through my door. It's a guilty wish, but knowing that the person I wanted to bring into the world and the person I wanted to help me raise them is gone makes life not worth living. I can't recall much from that night. Just holding her hand and taking a glimpse into her eyes and then feeling a huge bang. I faintly hear her voice, she's whispering "help me". And there's nothing I can do. I've failed the only loves I've ever felt in my life.

          I going to miss my 2 angels and wish God is going to watch over them but for me, I'm going to have to live a life, a life with a lost love.   

Drawing A Blank

Drawing a blank, I want to blame it on my pen but it's my mind that's
out of ink. I stare at the empty pages wondering what kind of magical
words I can fill them with, thinking of the deranged thoughts this mad
man can place in this pad so these actions can escape my mind and give
me moments of clarity. I know I need to let them out before the
monster inside escapes and carries them out. These are truly the dark
ages for my imperfect yet persilety planing evil mind. As I extract
these words to paper. In one hand I hold a pen and in the other I hold
my favorite toy pokey. My 6 inch blade that pierces skin on contact,
that has cut my skin dozens of times. Staring at them both trying to
figure out which shall be my instrument of art for the day. Will I
paint the paper blue with ink or will I paint the walls red with blood.

The Daily Word

Being that it's Sunday I figured I'd address religion as that for most
of you this being the most holy day. Butwhy? Because man says so?
Because man said that we should pick one day a raise it above the
other 6 and use it as a day to praise the lord? Why only one day? Why
Sunday? Because of a book writen by men who gathered and said God
spoke to them and that Jesus walked with them? All of a sudden this
became law? I question these stories in the bible, I question the
reason why we must go to church on Sundays. I question religion and
most of all, I question faith. How can a man of sin teach me how not
to sin? What makes this man or woman in a robe anymore holyer than me?
What have they done or gone through that makes them a vesel of god?
And when these self aleged vesels go a stray, what then gives us the
right to judge them when in life you call them Gods messengers? How do
you know that they are not just doing Gids bidding? What if the bible
is not gods words? What if this is a book written by the devil and in
Gods eyes we are cometting acts if sin when we belive we are carring
out his will? You don't know. I don't know. And when we do find out,
it might just be too late. I have no answer to these question I ask,
and I'm not sure I want them. But I know for a fact that no one out
there wants answers. If they didn't get the answers they wanted, it
would spin there lives into such a loop they would never be able to
recover from. So I guess we will contuine to live in out sheltered
worlds and not seek out the truth and fear the answers, but I will
always contuine to ask the questions.

the ghost

I'm just the ghost of of a man, a shell of a human being, a open plain of empty emotion and wide open valley of pain. I'm planting seeds to grow a new me, but the world keeps putting fertilizer on my dreams, but the more you shit on me, the more I grow. A tear in my eye and blood on my chin. I'm always alone, even when I'm with friends. Maybe God will forgive me for my sins, is this the begining or the end.

Dear Free Agents

Dear Free Agents:

Hey big 3, how's your summer going? Looks like the 3 of you have a lot on your plates. Take your time and do what's right for your family and all but let's not forget about your fans. For 4 years now everyone in the world have been waiting for this week and you guys are playing too many games. Let me start with you King James, the way you are treating your would be bosses is just disgusting. First off, to have them come to you instead of having the common courtesy to go to there offices and meet with them is so disrespectful. These guys are offering to give you more money than you have now, there offering to make your dreams of becoming a billionaire a reality. But u can't get on a plane and take a 2 hour flight to Chicago or New York and then from there drive to New Jersey. Do u really mean to tell me you are against a trip to Miami. Not to mention u not meeting with the Knicks in New York, pissed me off because you were in Avenue (NYC club) 3 days before free agency began. I hope u resign in Cleveland and never win a ring. Number 2, Sup Flash, I can see you wanting to make sure staying in Miami is the right thing for you, but let's not openly come out and say that the custody battle is the reason. Let's not use the family as an excuse for telling the fans of The Heat that your trying to bring free agent 1 and free agent 3 to join you in the Miami. Why not do like the King did and keep your mouth shut. But I do hope you land in Chicago, that would be better for you and your family. But I don't ever want to here you say a word about privacy. You put your family issues out there in the street, then there fair game. Free Agent number 3, CB4. I get it, the media is making a buck off of you, so you'll have some fun and try and get some coin out of it while your at it. I commend you on that. But there is a reason why teams are not going crazy and Toronto is not willing to give you that 6th year. You my friend are 2nd fiddle on no matter what team you go to. I hope you land on a good team and maybe even win a few rings, but in no way what so ever do I want to see the Raptors sign and trade to get you. You shit on them during this whole process and you think there going to help you. You young man need to learn about tack and business savey. In short, if you guys are done holding the Fans, the Media and the teams trying to pay you Hundreds of millions of dollars hostage, man up, make a choice, have long and fruitful careers.

Signed, A real fan of what's right and of the NBA. Chris Rock Glover

missing pieces

I'm drunk in a room, think about days that have never come and nights that passed to soon. Playing back a moment lost because I was was waiting on nothing to happen. Replacing broken frame's from the pictures of my life, because the camera of time caught a reflection and the flash ruined the pic. With construction paper and crayons i draw in these missing moments with what i remember from blacked out nights and hung over mornings. Waiting on phone calls to to tell me of last night's glory and last night's ill-fated choices. Always wondering if i needed that last shot but always glad I took it. Asking the question, Why do I drink until I can't drink anymore? and always answering the same. Why would I drink, if I wasn't drink to get to the point I didnt remember anymore. My life is summed up not by the actions I haven't taken, but by the actions I have. I wake up after the night and always feel as brand new. The sun shining down on me is my way of knowing now matter how good or bad the night before was, i have 24 hours to reset and make it better. At night I look up into the moonlight knowing that it will be my only witness to my tears as I sit under the stars and cry myself to sleep. Sometimes tears of joy, sometimes tears to mask my pain. but always tears of life. But that enough of this, It's time to go out and try to make some new memories, because the ones I have now hurt to much.

My Hate (reflection)

My devotion to my emotion is the start of my problems, The feeling that I'm feeling from all of our dealing is leading me to these hurt and angry outburst. The mask is off and the face is pale. Not from the shock of your actions, but the blatant contradictions in your behavior. In my world yes is just yes, but you take my care with a grain of salt and no matter how I try to work thing out I see these is all leading to break. It should be a sad goodbye, where we think back to our happy times but those time were far and few in between. Where love was in my heart for you it has been replaced with hate. I once wanted you in my world, now nothing would bring a greater joy to me then to see you die a long, slow, painful, drawn out death. Where once poured rivers and streams of love for you, now burns disdain and distaste. You are the break of me. Your downfall has now become my only focus. My eyes that once poured tears missing you now burn red as I want nothing more than to see your last breath leave your body. But for now I'll get out of the mirror because i can no longer stand to see your face. I disgust me because this is the reflection of me.

Our Road (The Path of Faith)

You have the right to question your faith and you have the choice to choose your path. But in the end, both your choice's and your rights will lead you to a place of your proper being. We are all looking for a place that will lead us to salvation. And while most will tell you to look to God, the sad truth is most of us know not where to look. We flock to the church for a feeling of comfort in the house of the lord but sadly this places have become tombs of lies, mistrust, thief's, sinners and vultures of the soul that pick on the flesh of the weak and at the pockets of the morally unsound. We sit there and hear the words of the bible, spoke to us, yelled to us, and song to us. But it's never explained. The reason why faith is questioned, is because its not understood. We want answers, but we don't look for them. Not because we don't want to, but because we don't know how to. It's easy for me to sit here and point out the problems. It's easy for people to read this and tell me how I'm wrong for saying this. But the fact of the matter is that what I'm saying is the truth. We all will find God in our own special way, and that's a process that takes time. It sad that for some of our youth might never have a chance to make there peace with there maker until it's to late. Lying in the street holding on to life is not how you should come to grips with our faith. But all across this planet life's are being lost at an alarming rate. We must choose our paths better so the generations that follow us will have a bit more direction. Were all headed to the promise land, so lets plug our GPS's in, and get there together. MLR My Life Rocks because I have set a course and plan to stay on it.

No Tomorrow

We live in a world that is full of double talk. a world that shows you everything but wont allow you to see anything. They let you dream only to wake you up. They tell you how can have anything, that you should want everything, fight for something but ask for nothing. They'll flaunt all the gold and silver in front of you, they'll put the brass rings in your sights but always just out of reach. Your head gets filled with visions of the juiciest fruits, but once you bite into them, you taste the sourness which is life. The condemn you when you tell your tale of how hard life is for you. they spit in face when ask for help. They stomp on your hands when you reach for a loan. The businesses that are here to help you are the very ones that hurt you. The leaders of state that you put into office turn there backs on you as soon as there elected to six figure jobs and the cushy offices. And then they give you the excuse that this is what u asked for when they knew the whole platform they ran on was based on a lie. it make you wonder where it starts at. I always look into the homes we were brought up in. Our parents, the ones that were suppose to be our role models, the ones that got lazy and passed the buck on to out teachers who in turn passed us on to the world without a clue what was right and what was wrong. but back to our parents, the ones that taught us not to lie (but always told a story to their boss on why they couldn't come in). The ones that taught us to be faithful to our mates(while they cheated on each other and used their partners blind love to get away with it). Yes, those very parents that said we should put our faith in God(the same God that they turned their backs on as the sinned and went against all the teachings of the Bible). There way of grooming us into adult hood is the reason why were not sure whats right and wrong in this world. If we raise our kids of the principales we were taught, the hope for our children is doomed. We must look to the light and find whats right or there will be No Tomorrow

#nobasements (my rants)

Why go to church and confess you sin's to God? He knows what your doing before you do it. It's all his plan right? #nobasements

I don't think I'm going to hell when I die. I just won't feel the pain anymore. And if I do I'll just roast some smores #nobasements

I was ready to sign them papers before Usher. Why did I marry that girl? I just wanted to crush her #nobasements

I asked the lady to come in and sit on my cutting board. I wanted a piece of her mind #nobasements

I keep a bat made of stone. I'm talking violence when I say I'm going to the club #nobasements think about that for a second

After my mother passed away so did my feelings about what I say. I bury bodies out of state, death happens when I va-K #nobasements

I choke a hoe with a Cheerio then I be like oh, then I pimp her corpse with bling and have the hood like whoa #nobasements

I could tell ya future, I f u cross me bets believe I'm gonna shoot ya. If I see you flossin then u know I'm gonna loot ya #nobasements

Yeah I'm kind of psycho, I hit so that you know. Touch u little nigga's like my name was Michael #nobasements

Its got to be killing u how I'm fighting for my life. You better hate me man cause I'm sliding dick to your wife #nobasements

Dont lose your dinosaur, always TRex shit. Call Me Bobby Flay, ill Tex-Mex it. See me in the kitchen, cooking up some next shit #nobasements

I cn play the drums & U cn play ur self. I cn beat her pussy up & make her cum on herself. I play the bar but only topshelf #nobasements

You'll never find tomorrow looking for it yesterday. Walk your own path and you'll find the right way #nobasements

Bout 2 get back on the horse, live 4 the hrs cause the time is ours, I dont care bout the picket fences & pretty flowers #nobasements

I'm tired of this bubble gum rap by these bubble wrap niggas. I pop bubble wrap so it's a wrap for these niggas #nobasements

I used bricks to bulid a wall around my heart so I will never get hurt again. But i'm slowly tearing it down from the inside #nobasements

I can't love any1 else till I learn to love myself. And at this point I'm not really feeling myself so I'll stall all by myself #nobasements

#nobasements so I got a straight to hell flow. Kick em down the stairs, there's no were else to go. Call up Satan tell'm I'm at the door

Everyone says they love you.....Right before you kill them #nobasements

I'm paying Satan child support because I'm always raising hell #nobasements

If it wasn't for violence, nothing would every get done. U see how people move when u bring it to the guns #nobasements

My life has been side tracked for the last year or so. I should get back on the right path but you don't hear me tho #nobasements

People who live in heaven shouldn't judge us that live in hell. #nobasements

Go to work tomorrow and demand a raise. CE0's talk different when a gun on the table. #nobasements

The beautiful thing about life is, we will all die someday. And in the end, that's all that's guaranteed #nobasements

I wish we could all be peace but #realtalk I only respect violence #nobasements

You'll never realize how much u love your life, until your about to die. Push your life to the limit and you'll always get it #nobasements

The Equation of Life x+y=Z

I just want happiness and I see yours so I envy. My wants are not goals so that makes my own thoughts my worst enemy. My thoughts of tomorrow will be the end of me, my mind races to much, and that's no good for me. My spirits are crushed and that a shame 2me. The heart makes the mind wonder unto depths that I thought I could never reach. Only to find that when I reach those depths i never should of went search for those answers that were not really questions to begin with. The confusion in my life will lead me to clarity but the road that I walk is a long and twisted one. My feet are tired and my soul is stained. My pillow is stained from the tears from years of my face being planted into, crying myself to sleep. Not over one reason but just the many reasons that add up to life. We all try to process these equations of our lifes in our own different ways. And no matter how many time we do the math, it just never seams to add up. So all we can do is add more factors into our equation, more X's, more Y's and more Z's. Wishing we payed more attention in algebra class. Life lesson's become our tudors, and our faith becomes our professor's. We study our life and wait for our final test given to us by God. Good luck on your test everyone. No one knows when the exam date is but keep a number 2 pencil ready because you never know when your going to be called into the office.

x=joy y=pain z=life

Random Thoughts

I just want happiness and I see yours so I envy. My wants are not goals so that makes my own thoughts my worst enemy. My thoughts of tomorrow will be the end of me, my mind races to much, and that's no good for me. My spirits are crushed and that a shame 2me. Some times my eye's go dark and I'm empty of feelings. I only hang on to my sanity by a thread. Bored with life, need 2 switch it up. I've been cruising 2 long, I need 2 gear it up. I think it's the drink in my cup, I need 2 give it up.

I only tell u I care, because its what u want 2 hear. I only tell u I'm scared, cause I see your fear. Your really alone, even tho I'm here.

If I found out I don't love the love of my life, does that mean my life shall have no love or the love I thought I had never was.

I've seen 2 much

I've held a person in my arms as they died and I've looked a person in there eye's as they blinked the last time. I've had my hands on a friends chest as his lungs let out there last breath. I've seen death more than I care to have. I've wondered lost on a road with another persons blood on my hands. I've lost loved ones to the streets, to bad health and even worst luck. I've had to experience losing a child I never got know. My life has had it's up's and downs. My heart has to beat faster, and bleed slower. I've gone through more than most put together and still I stand. I stand ready to face it all again. Wanting a better tomorrow but ready to brave more of the same. Don't question why I drink, or why I laugh and not cry. My tears flow but they are not to be shared. I'am a rock, so I stand pat. I've seen good, I've seen bad. And I'll see more. I'll stand to see another day but with my eye's closed thus time because I've seen 2 much.

the moment

the funny thing about love is you never know were your going to find, or worse, when your going to lose it. But people miss the fact that if u get your heartbroken once, u might be lucky enough to have it broken again. In short love life each moment u live it, forever is right now and Forever is in your heart.

A Change In MY Life

As we approach the end of year, I look back over the 12 months and see that this was a huge year for me. I saw a growth in myself that I never thought would happen. For the first time in my life I went through real Life changing events, and judging by the way I handled them I know that I'm mentally stronger right now in my life then I have ever been and ever thought I could be. I've had my heart, my mind, my soul and my faith tested this year. Truly pushed to my limits. And a lot of these event were not bad things, a few of them were joyous occasions. They said you don't become a man until you look your fears in the eye and face them. I've faced my fears, my fear of becoming a man. Finally taking responsibility for all that's going on in my world. And taking control of my destiny to pave my own road for my future. All these years I did a pretty good job of hiding behind my childish demeanor and avoiding growing up but this year I was force to handle my business. I thought I was the man before but I know that I'm a man now. They saw that only love can kill the demon. It turns out I was looking for love in all the wrong places. As i was looking for a heart to share with mine, I over looked my own heart and when i finally looked into my heart, I found enough love to help me carry on for 100 more years. I amazed myself doing half of the things I did. from the outside it might not look like much, but from were I sit the view I see is my 40 acres and a mule.

The year started with heartache and ended with heartache. But before the Sunlight must come the rain. Before the joy must come the pain. A lot of the pain I went through opened the doors for me to enter my soul and it allowed me to access emotions I didn't know I could reach. It was as if ever hurt was turned into a blessing. Each month was it's own test to my mental toughness. I don't know if these test are over, but I think I'm scoring above average. Every event connected a piece of the puzzle to another piece to yet another piece. From getting custody of Chris leading up to the passing of my Mother, all of these event's played out as if they were scripted. They helped to mold the new and improved me. They changed me. So I figure I would share this with all of you because all of you were here for me through out this very trying year. Take these words as my thank you and know that I love all of you because you helped build this new me that feels he can take on anything in the years to come. Again thank you. and remember--- MLR (My Life Rocks) because My friends Love Me and I love them.

Things Change (o rdo they?)

Some wounds don't heal, the cut just gets deeper. Some band-aids aren't big enough to cover some wounds. When a heart breaks, it takes more than time to seal it. When a mind is corrupted by the devil it takes more than God to restore it. When I extend my words they will reach you. As the seasons go, emotions grow and change like the leafs from brown to green. As with the april showers that wash away March's pains and Summers heat, that warm cold hearts frozen my a hard winters heartbreak. The months go by fluid and swift as minds move like the earths rotation. Constant motion is the rhythm of life, but sometime the recored does skip a beat or the band misses a note, which transforms this sounds, that change these grounds, from a deep bass pound or a light chime sound, one way or another a beautiful song is found. In time we all will change, but that can never stop us from being who we truly are. Nothings ever as good at it seams or as bad as it looks. Most of the time its just what it is and hardly nothing more than that. When you think to hard, your more than likely going to over think your real problems and just create a new one. Live for the right now, and just the right now. We can think about the future when it gets here. and if something happens and it doesn't come, wont you feel better that you didn't waste time planing a future that you have no control in. The only thing in life that is guaranteed is the moment that just passed, so I chose to live for my memories.

HeartBroken (Will I Love Again?)

Ripped out of my chest, Shattered and thrown to the ground. Used, so selfish, Only in it for yourself. Every action carried out without a thought of the reaction of my heart. Done with out care and done with such malice. Ruining the soil where my feelings were planted, and then throwing salt and oil onto the soil so no new love can grow. I would ask a question, but the answer will never be enough. I can ask the question, But I would never understand the answer. The question, the question, the question. It kept me up many a nights. Looking and searching for answers. Only to find the answer that leads to more questions. The question, 3 little letters that make one small word, the leads to endless hours of thinking, endless days of unrest and a lifetime of pain. WHY? I had to ask it 100 times a day. WHY WHY WHY??? I If I could i would wish nothing but the worst to you, but I'm sure you'll feel the effects of these actions. I know you will. You broke me, my spirit, my soul, my faith,and my heart. These scars will never heal, and to be honest they never should. You had a good thing going, but between foolish youth, young mans pride and over thinking like an adult you took the best thing you ever had and through it away for nothing. Look in your hands now and see what you hold. Empty memories. Empty bed, and a Empty heart. Are you proud of yourself? Is this really what we wanted? If you could would you go back and change what you have done? How could you have been so stupid? As I look in the mirror and ask myself these questions over and over, and try to place the blame, I cry into my pillow with the sad conclusion that I can only be mad at my self for letting her go and Breaking my own Heart. HeartBroken

Real Life

U remember when life was just as simple as living and dying. But somewere along the line the whole process of living got in the wAy of it all. I wish we could go back to when times were much more simple. oh well, I guess we just build and adjust, react and adapt. But a boy can dream, or at least think out loud. As I sit her listening to Dido and look over this years I've throw together, I'm forced to look back over the people I've touched, for better or for worse. And I wonder if there thankful for all I've done for them or if there full of hate for the way I've treated them. It's pretty much a 50-50 split, a one to one ratio. I'm not going to sit here and take about change because we can't change the past. I'm not even going to sit here and say a bunch of sorrys, if you truly know me and love me, you have forgiven me a thousand times over. And you know I'm not big on that self pity shit. I'm me and you knew exactly what I was when I was just being natural. You know the way we are supposted to be. Yeah, I guess I'm pretty fucked up but let's be honest, if it wasn't for people like me, why would anybody want to live. The fact of the matter is that all of you need me in your life. I'm the stories you talk about over dinner. I'm the guy that u point at and judge when your with your friends. I'm the free spirit that deep down you all want to be just like. I show the level of confidence that you all wish u had. I'm the inter you that you want to put on display. The funny part is, I'm just a figment of you imiagination. As real as i am to me, I don't really exsit. Even now as you read this, there's no words on this screen. I'm just a thought that was in your head. And you love it because when you see this you feel free. More free than you could ever be hidining in your shells, hidining behind you so call lifes. You call what your doing living. Let's be honest, you would trade in your lifes in a minute and you all know it. We all would. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human. There's nothing wrong with these feelings. It's simple. You just want to go back to when all you had to worry about was living and dying. Don't worry, contuine to live in your fantasy world. I'll be here living the life you want to, heck someones got to do it.

If It Was That Easy

Life would be different if ibcould be as good place all of pieces were I wanted to. If I could take the pieces of Rock, mix it with some of Supernova, add in a pinch of the beautiful Monster and combine them with Chris I would be so complete. But lord knows I've tried and tried but I can't but all these pieces of me together to complete me. I am a difficult puzzle. Now matter how hard I try I just can't force the pieces into place. It's not that I don't know what I want, that's the simple part. The part that's rough is each of my persona's what to go about reaching the goal a different way. SuperNova wants to party his way there. 24/7 365. He knows nothing can stop him from getting what he wants so nothing stops him. He is my strength. Beautiful Monster thinks that just being him is enough to do it. He carrys him self in this you know I'm great so just say it way that's very hard to disagree with. He is my confidence. Here's were everything gets a little difficult. Here's were Rock comes into play. He's the brains of the operation. He comes up with all the plans, calls all the plays. He runs the show. I would have to say he's my spirit. And that leaves us with the Chris, he's the quiet one. The one that stays back In the shadows and waits for his voice to be heard. But he's also the most important part because he holds all of the pain and the hurt that seam to never hurt the other 3. Chris is most certainly the heart and soul. Every day the four of them are fighting tooth and nail in an all out war to see who's going to have it there way. This saddens me because I know Chris is lossing and lossing bad. Even though he us the strongest of the four, all the years of storing angusish is finally starting to take it's toll. He's on life support and can barely hang on. I really wish it was as easy as it sounds to just set a goal and do it. To put your feelings to the side and just get what you want. But how can it be easy when your only goal is to be happy but your to sad on the inside to ever be happy on the outside. I guess the fight goes on, and all we can do is cheer for the underdog. And I think it's working. I can see a little smile on his face from here.

Don't Be Scared At The Storm

A child looks up to his grandma, crying, afarid of the loud thunder, the bright lightning and the hard, pouring rain. Grandma looks down at the child, holds him close and gently rocks him in her arms. She whispers into his ear "baby it's going to be ok, it's just the lord doing his work". Her words bring comfort to his tiny body but like most children her words send his mind racing. If the lord is always with us, how come it's only loud days and the painful days we here of his actions. His grandmother goes on to explain that it's not as simple as people make it sound. In order to build a beautiful world, first he has to destroy what's in place now. The lighting and thunder are his construction ball and jackhammer. Tearing down the walls of pain. The rain is his garden hose, washing away the debry of broken dreams, broken hearts and shattered lifes. After the storm will come the sun and that's Gods vacant lot, a clean slate for you to start building a new tower of hope, a castle of your dreams. As his grandma holds him and he starts to fall asleep, him feeling safer and not afarid anymore. The rain starts to let up and the sun starts to shine, he can feel the lord smile down on his forhead. Of the storm he is no longer scared. Because he knows it's now time to build.

Deadbeat

If there's on thing I can't stand, it a person that can't take care of there responsabilty. No correction, I can't stand a person that doesn't take care of there responsabilty's. Why even go fourth with the initial effort if you know your to weak to carry the full task. I'm not going to beat around the bush here, I'm talking to you deadbeats out there, you know who you are and you know who your hurting. For the life of me I can't undrstand how one could be so cold and selfish that u would abandon your child and not even put forth an effort to even check in on them. I'll try not to sound bitter but it pisses me off to the core to see this happening. Some kids do get lucky and are let with a strong parent but some kids don't, and I feel for both sets of kids. It's unfair to the kids but the parents might have it worse. Do you know how hard it is to explain to you son why his mother is not around, why he can't pick up the phone and call her? To try and explain that it's not his fault? It's more difficult than anyother part of parenting because there is no book on that. I want to make this very clear, I love the fact that I'm with my son 24/7, if it was up to me I would have it no other way. But I know this is not fair to him. Do you really think you can take a year off of being a mother and think that he is going to forgive you and let you back into his world? Do you think I'm going to expose him to a person like you? Really? Really?? Not a chance in HELL!! If there's one thing in this world I hate is a coward and a Deadbeat parent is the worst form of coward. And the only thing lower than that is a mother that leaves her child. For the life of me I can't understand that. Out of respect for my boy, I don't foul talk you around, but if my worlds somehow reach you, know that we still say a pray for you and we hope you get your life straight but know that he and I will never ever be a part of it.

The Heart Betrays

In our lifes we come across many challenges and face many feelings. We come across friends and enemies, those that hide in plain sight and those that lay deep inside us. We spend most of our time trying to figure out motives of others, while plenty of times we over look our own emotions. Blinded by fear and overprotecting our ego's we fall into the trap of following our hearts. Putting it's bearing over our better knowledge of our minds. We get stuck in sandpit of pain, a quicksand pulling us further away from happiness. Drowning in dispare. Moving away from a surface of love. We are so easily swayed from what's right to the path of what's wrong, knowing that each step we take is only going to hurt us more in the long run. But still we walk. We put all our faith and trust in to our hearts but the heart betrays. It's our worst adversary. You know the old saying" the heart wants what the heart wants". But that's not always for the best. How many times has your heart sent you into a war you can't win, on to a battlefield with no protection just to have a bomb dropped on you. Too many times I bet, but I'm sure you'll still follow your heart the next time it deploys to a war zone. We can't fight it. The heart is our worst enemy but also our greatest comrad. But just be for warned, the heart betrays and in the end we have no one to blame but ourselves.